I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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