I will die if light touches me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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