haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
