The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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