i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
