In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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