New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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