i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can't believe i had my finger in that
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
