rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
