True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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