Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
