***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Your dad touched me again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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