saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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