I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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