Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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