She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
