And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
