rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
