Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
