So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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