We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
