I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
