I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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