i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
