It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize