You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she pinky promised me she was 18
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
