I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You brought string cheese to the strip club
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
