Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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