its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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