zippers are such a cool invention
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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