Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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