The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
