I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
