my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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