Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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