he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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