life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"