come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
