I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
