Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
