Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i now understand why vodka
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
