I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
