I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize