Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
