just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
