Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
