AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
