On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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