I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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