we're blogging at a bar
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
