he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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