having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize