Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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