I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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