Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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