just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
