If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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