So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize