do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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