Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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