dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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