Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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