does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
