so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
