No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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