Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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