just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
