is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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