Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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