You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
