Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
