The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
