Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
