There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
