I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
