Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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